Ahh, Sweet Vacation and Other Crazy Things

I'mmm baaack.

Ahh, Vacation. It's always a sweet experience for our family. And this trip was no exception.  

I learned that though I have not been officially diagnosed with IBS. It's as good as fact. In addition, I learned that when my IBS kicks into high gear, my husband gets very fidgety and nervous...but still deems it unsafe to pass in the "no pass" zone. If nearly shitting my pants doesn't do it, nothing is going to make this man break traffic laws. More about this on a different day.

Somehow in the last year, I have also picked up the nervous habit of grabbing the car ceiling and lifting my right leg to the dash when my husband is traveling at a high rate of speed toward the back of a stopped car on the interstate. And he has picked up the habit of becoming very pissed off about my new habit. At one point he yelled, "how many times have I run into the back of a car!?!" Which, I felt, was a good question. So I responded with, "I don't know? How many?" To which he responded, "One time!" To which I responded, "Why would that be your redeeming argument?!? You can't ask that and then have run into the back of a car. Ever." Wow.
I don't have a good explanation for my behavior other than his driving skills must've fallen off at some point.

But through all of the dysfunction, I learned that my husband still fills up my heart and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. I love my kids and think they're brilliant. And I love the sunny weather. It makes me a better person.

Happily Ever After Divorce

My parents were clearly distracted with their pathetic marriage during this ridiculous vacation. Otherwise, I am certain that they would've noticed that I'm missing my pants, shoes, and hair brush 1,000 miles away in the middle of the mother effing wild west. And for the record, Mom and Dad, this river looks just like the other 13 that you woke me up to see.

This vacation was a few years prior and proves my original theory. A.) That smiling was frowned upon during their entire marriage. and B.) That I DID originally wear pants, shoes and comb my hair. 

Post-divorce. (My dad is smiling also, just in another house.) This is the year I found my hair brush and my brother found puberty.  

I am bat-shit crazy tired. Which happens when I try to exercise. No worries, it's a very random and sporadic occurrence. So, tune in tomorrow for 25 Things You Don't Know About Me. (Strictly because mine will be better than the one's written by famous people in US magazine -- even if my mom's the only one who will read it.)

I'm Pulling the Car Over and Other Happy Vacation Moments

Welcome to the year 1987. The year when my parents decided to trek across the entire Continental United States in our mini-van. And, apparently, the year I stopped using a hair brush. I'm not sure what qualified this trip as a good idea? We like to refer to this time period as the Pre-Divorce Era. Also known as the, If I'm not going to be happy, nobody is, DAMN IT era. (And the beginning of my personal care routine as we know it. Less is definitely more.)

Even though my father isn't in the picture. I assure you he's there. My 11-year-old looked at this picture and asked if I hated this vacation. I told him not nearly as much as Papaw hated happiness.
He was one of those fathers who would say, "If you laugh one more time, I'm pulling the car over!" Only, as far as I know, other fathers reserved this saying for frowned upon activities like, crying, screaming, punching, and belching...Which were firmly high-fived in our mini-van.

Stay tuned for Pre-Divorce versus Post-Divorce pics and not only did I lose my hair brush, but where the hell are my pants?